F3 Cycle 52 – Confession.

My buddy, Thomas Pluck, asked me to host F3 last week so I gave a prompt of an actual event that took place the every day he asked me.

Basically, two people in a car, not saying a word to each other.  Give me a story.

Well the guys over at F3 didn’t let me down.  Thanks to you all and well done to each and every one of you.

Check the stories here.

Here’s my lame effort. (Time hasn’t been good to me.  It’s still a WIP)

Confession.

The fresh water gently lapped at the jagged rocks at the edge of the loch. Two small boats bobbed on the water, the orange buoys they were tied to bobbing up and down in time with them.

The whole area was silent, including the interior of the sole car that had just parked in the car park overlooking the loch.

Donald Mason killed the engine and released his seat-belt.

The silence outside was broken by the squawk of a buzzard circling high above the two boats. The silence inside the car was broken by the driver.

“It’s so beautiful here,” Donald mason said, placing his mobile phone on the dashboard and staring through the windscreen.

Autumn was kicking in and the trees were becoming gold and brown, their leaves falling from their branches like multicoloured snow flakes.

“Do you remember, not so long ago, that I had to work away?”

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t working. I was…”

“I know, you needed some space away from everyone.”

“No, no. It wasn’t that.”

“It’s OK. I understand.”

“I need to tell you something. I’ve wanted to tell you…”

“I don’t want to know.”

“You need to know.”

A light mist was forming on the hills at the other end of the loch. Donald started at it, working out what he was going to say.

“I don’t need to know, Donald.”

“Look, what I didn’t tell…”

“Donald, if you had…if you had an affair I’ll…”

“No! In all our years together I’ve never been unfaithful to you. Never.”

“I love you, Donald. I always have and I always will. Whatever you’ve done I don’t need to know. I’ll forgive you for whatever it was.”

“Marianne, I’ve killed people.”

“…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I should never have kept it from you.”

“I forgive you, Donald. I do.”

“I killed three people, Marianne. I took three lives.”

“I love you, Donald. Always remember that.”

#

The Herald. 14th October, 2011.

Two weeks ago, 53 year old Donald Mason was arrested on suspicion of murder. After a confession during a telephone call to a police operator, Mr Mason was arrested at a Perthshire beauty spot.

Mr Mason, the sole occupant of a silver BMW, was picked up by two local policemen and went peacefully. He was parked in a small car park overlooking the picturesque Loch Earn, a favourite place of his and his late wife, Marianne.

Marianne Mason was the victim of a hit and run incident eight months ago. The victims of Donald Mason are believed to be the three occupants of the car that killed Mrs Mason on that fateful night of February 11th, 2011.

~End~

Please check the other stories out.

Comments and feedback are always welcome.

Later.

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12 Comments

Filed under confession, david barber, david barber's fiction world, f3, thomas pluck

12 responses to “F3 Cycle 52 – Confession.

  1. You've got something good here. I was wondering what you saw when the old folks pulled up to the lake!!

  2. Thanks Tommy. I have the longer story in my head but it just wouldn't come out in time.Rosalind – Thank you. Appreciate you stopping by.

  3. Loved that last turn – I thought it was gong to turn out he'd killed his own family in an accident.Short 'n' oh, so sweet! I hope you one day provide us with the full-length version, Mr B – in the meantime, this 'taster' will have to suffice!  

  4. This is a haunting tale, not in the macabre sense. It's…serene (for lack of a better word). I have so many questions running through my mind: His conversation with his wife was so dynamic, it's hard to imagine it occurred only in his head. Has he been "communing" with her since her death? Is she a ghost that lives with him or does he see her only at the lake? Clearly he left for a time to hunt down the people who killed his wife – it's interesting that the ghost noticed the absence, which lends credence to the idea that they've been communicating regularly. If she's dead, his romances wouldn't be extramarital – it might be interesting for her to say something like "Donald, you could never cheat one me…" or something like that to foreshadow the ending. Very thought provoking! Thanks!

  5. Dave- Got me with the ending. Nice work. So much so, I had to go back and re-read it. Very clever way to pull it off.

  6. Great job!Didn't expect the ending for one second, I had a feeling he would be an assassin of some type.

  7. Sue, Carmen, Sean & Ron – Thanks guys. Appreciate the feedback. I'll return to it soon and flesh it out. Your words are encouraging.

  8. I love how this twists like DNA around a ladder of themes; drama, romance, crime and ghosts.Chilling.

  9. Thanks, Lily. Really appreciate you looking.

  10. Nice writing David. I wonder st Donald's need to confess, both to Marianne and the police. This seems the kind of crime someone would go to great length to cover up.But you can admire Donald's actions with out condoning them. Very good.

  11. Wow! that last paragraph was like a sledgehammer blow… it took away my breath!A sad, tragic tale… losing a loved one and then the torment that followed… a torment doubled with the too late realization that his vengeance changed nothing.This is quite good writing… I love the risks you took with the twists. I wonder what the mobile operator thought… listening to one side of a conversation? I do have to ask… did Donald deliberately dial the police? Because I had this really chilling thought… perhaps a revenant at work here?I could see this 'fleshed out' into a bigger story… with all the anthologies out there… you could find a home for it, I am sure.Very well, done, David. It is always a pleasure to read your work.

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