Man Rules.

I received this in an email the other day and thought it would give you all a giggle.  It’s too good not to share…..and right on the button!

Enjoy!

The Man Rules
Finally, the blokes side of the story.  We always hear ‘the rules’ from thefemale side, but here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!

Please note: these are all numbered ‘1’……….ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.  You’re a big girl.  If it’s up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  Youdon’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on thisone: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints donot work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almostevery question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want helpsolving it. That’s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in anargument.  In fact, all comments becomenull and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.  Don’task us!

1. If something we said can be interpreted twoways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how youwant it done.  Not both.  If youalready know best how to do it, just doit yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to sayduring commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directionsand neither do we.

1. ALL men see inonly 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.  Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ we willact like nothing is wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just notworth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything youwear is fine….really. 
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you areprepared to discuss such topics as football…..in fact, sport in general.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you forreading this.  Yes, I know, I have tosleep on the couch tonight.  But did you know men really don’t mindthat? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.

      Pass this to as many women as you can – togive them an even bigger laugh.

Hope this gave you a little giggle.
Later!
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16 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, giggles, man rules

16 responses to “Man Rules.

  1. Spot on, mate! :-)The mind-reading 'n' talking in the commercials are the ones more pertinent to us, but there's truth in them all.He missed out the one where they go to the first shop and see a dress, try it on, ask you how it looks, you say, "Great,"… then they drag you around a dozen other shops before returning to the first shop to buy the same dress! (Invariably, they'll take it back anyway…grrr…)Best,Col

  2. Col, I normally buy the first dress I try on. Leaves more time for a beer after shopping! Oh…..you were talking about the women buying a dress. Sorry, crossed dressing….erm…..wires!!Thanks, buddy!

  3. I hope the pine box you end up in is very comfortable. 🙂

  4. The missus has been digging in the garden of late. She swears blind she's digging a pond. I'm not so sure! 🙂

  5. Ben

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.That cracked me up. Columbus found America while being admittedly lost.

  6. Ben

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.That cracked me up. Columbus found America while being admittedly lost.

  7. Ben – Ha! Isn't that how us blokes find places anyway?

  8. My favourite: "If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."I've even quoted that one after inserting foot firmly in mouth. Didn't help. I think it's because rule #1 for women is "Alright… men think they've got these rules… disregard them.

  9. I second Randal's comment.

  10. Chris – Ha, you're bang on the money.David – I wear the trousers in this house…….wh..what's that honey? Y..yes, you're dinner is coming. I've gotta go. buddy!

  11. G

    Man oh man, if I brought this to work, I would get carved up by my fellow co-workers.Who are 98% female.

  12. P.S. David – I've nominated you for a "bloggie" – swing round my site for details. Cheers!

  13. They're right, these rules, they really are. Especially #1. Oh, and #1 is pretty bang on, too.

  14. Hello there – this did give me a giggle. Thank you! .. now going to check out the rest of your blog.

  15. I'm particularly fond of rule 1… 🙂

  16. G – Thanks. I don't envy you your job!Chris – Thanks, man. I'll do my bit.Cathy – Haha!! They are all true…..just don't tell my wife I said that.Diane – Thanks and welcome. Feel free to have a browse.Paul – Thanks, mate. I particularly like rule #1, not that rule #1. The other rule #1. Ha!

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