The Two Blokes Are Back.

I enjoyed last weeks challenge over at F3.  If you missed my entry into last week, which centered around conspiracies, then it’s here.

This weeks challenge is a “words” one.  You have to include banana, iguana, elbow, flaming and pogostick into a story up to 1000 words.  Wacky, ridiculous with a touch of bizarre are appreciated.  Okeedokee!!
Well, The Two Blokes started yammering on about something so I wrote down their chat.  I hope you enjoy!
The Two Blokes, Part 12.

“Ouch! Oh, that is just not funny!”

“What you on about?”

“Ooh, I’ve just smacked my elbow on the back of this fucking bar stool.”

“Why would it be funny?”

“That’s just it. It isn’t? That little gristly bit in your elbow, they call it the funny bone. But it just isn’t funny when you bang it. Fucker!”

“Oh! Hahaha! Oh yes, that is funny!”

“NO, it’s not. It hurts!”

“Oh, sorry. Anyway, what you been up to?”

“Not much really. I’ve just started on a new diet.”

“What for?”

“To lose a bit of weight. Why else would I go on a diet?”


“I was having trouble, you know, passing a stool.”


“Passing a stool, you know?”

“That’s because you’re always in here banging your elbow on them.”

“No, you daft cock. I was struggling taking a shit. My diet was all over the place and I was eating the wrong stuff.”

“Oh. Well what you eating now?”

“More fruit and veg: bananas, apples, broccoli, you know.”

“So why the change? Why was you struggling with… know?”

“I was eating too much stodgy food and way too much spicy stuff. Jesus, some mornings it was like trying to shit out a flaming pogostick. And by flaming I mean on fire!”

“Whoa! Way too much information.”

“You asked.”


“Anyway, I’m taking supplements too. I pop multi-vitamins and a daily dose of guarana. Really helpful for an energy boost.”


“Are you OK?”

ME? That should be are YOU OK?”


“You’re sick!”

“Eh? What you on about?”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You’ve lost your marbles.”

“That coming from you is a classic! Ha!”

“You have though. The multi-vitamins I can understand…”

“Are you sure?”

“…but a daily boost of lizard is just sick!”


“You said you have a daily boost of iguana! That’s just wrong!”

G-U-A-R-A-N-A! I said, guarana. It’s a herbal stimulant that boosts, and gives you a feeling of well being.”

“Oh. Ha!  I thought you were eating…”

“No wonder I need an energy boost. You really do wear me out.”


“Two more beers please, mate.”


Comments are appreciated.  Have a great day!




Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, f3, humour, the two blokes

22 responses to “The Two Blokes Are Back.

  1. That was hilarious, mate!I was curious how you were going to weave that odd assortment of words into a story. Har! Daily boost of lizard…Glad to see the blokes back.

  2. Thanks, Alan. Those two are soo much fun to write. I honestly think they'd help me fit any word into a conversation. Am I going crazy? I'm talking about then like they're real!"We are real, you prick!":-)

  3. Odd assortment of words indeed. You pulled it off well, amigo. I'm using Google Chrome to finally be able and leave a comment.

  4. Thanks, David. It was a very odd assortment of words, indeed.Yes, I think there is a bit of conflict with Blogger and Internet Explorer. That and all the new blog templates. That's why I've changed mine again.

  5. Ha ha! These two crack me up!My daughter used to go on about 'garra-na' when she lived in Brazil – good job you hadn't written this then or I'd have imagined her biting off lizard's heads! (now there's an image….!)Good outing from the lads again, David – get 'em a pint on me next time and I'll settle up with you later! 😉

  6. I love misheard words and malapropisms and your Blokes do it masterfully.

  7. Brilliantly done mate, an awesome little piece and great fun to read!

  8. Absolute genius turning such a random selection of words into such believable dialogue…we’ve all had conversations like this! At least I hope it's not just me.I particularly liked the bloke’s reaction to ‘daily dose of iguana’.I’ve also been there…mishearing someone that is, not chomping the heads of lizards.

  9. Are the Two Blokes you and Alan? Fess up. This is just a recorded conversation between you two, right?????

  10. Oh my word this is gross, funny and entertaining, but gross. Flaming pogostick?!? Quite the creative monkeys, you two blokes!

  11. Yay! The Two Blokes are back – and on fabulous form. Hilarious. Now where can I get some powdered iguana? (Not really).

  12. Inspired by Harold Pinter, right?

  13. Tag

    Thought I already replied to you blokes. Must of been the sambuca. Great Story David.

  14. Good ole bar fun. Nice job, matey!

  15. The blokes deserve their own comic strip…

  16. Sorry I'm late, but it was a great story! You had me laughing out loud. “…but a daily boost of lizard is just sick!”I know its not iguana but alligator tail is very tasty.

  17. The Two Blokes always make life look a little better. Would make a great comic strip, too.Great stuff, man.

  18. All hail the return of the two blokes! Nicely done.

  19. This is wacky beyond belief and absolutely hilarious. I can picture them while they're having their little 'chat'. Such a clever way to incorporate the prompt words. It's difficult to pull off an entire piece that is completely dialogue, but you've done it flawlessly. I'll be laughing over this for quite some time!

  20. To all, thank you so much for your comments. I wanted to thank you all individually but life has got in the way this week. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Very much appreciated.

  21. That was a fun story! I'd have a beer with those two blokes any time.

  22. OMG!!!ROFLMPLBO!!Your two malaproptic (is that a word?) Blokes…. they have me in tears! This is too funny, David. You have done a magnificent job with the prompt, and I love how you did the entire story in dialogue.Very well crafted… an excellent read!Thank you!

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