F3 – Cycle 33 – THE FIRST.

Okay, here’s my first attempt at F3.  The story had to involve a conspiracy theory, so I went for…..well, you’ll have to read on to find out.  It’s an all dialogue piece so all comments/advice will be more than welcome.

I hope you enjoy…..

The First.

“You’ve got loose lips, Harvey.”
“You’re talking to too many people and one day soon someone is going to take what you say as gospel.  That’s when the shit hits the fan.”
“I…I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“Look, we told you last time that this was your last chance, didn’t we?  DIDN’T WE?”
“Yes…yes, but I’ve not told anybody anything I shouldn’t.  I swear on…”
“You’ve got nothing left to swear on, Harvey, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Harvey?  HARVEY?  Thank you.  Now listen to me.  We’re fair people and we look after our…”clients”…let’s say.  You were good to us and in return we’ve been good…sorry, ARE good to you.  Now, here’s the thing.  I know you like to talk after you’ve been down the bar and had your session with old Jack D, but what you don’t get is that in these modern times things can get out of hand.  You see, this is what happens.  You tell someone something and then, on the off chance, they believe you.  Then it’s all over the internet.  You know what I’m saying, Harvey?”
“Not really.”
“Things have changed in the past forty years or so.  Computers have come a long way.  Fuck, a celebrity farts at the wrong time and it’s all over YouTube before they can even smell it.  The internet is everywhere.  It’s in almost every household in the modern world now.  It’s in café’s and bars.  And, most importantly, it’s on the mobile phones of the young kids that love talking to you down at the bar.  Now do you know where I’m coming from?”
“But, I aint…”
Told them anything.  I know.  You say the same thing every time we come to and see you, Harvey.”
“But it’s true.  Do you think they’re gonna believe anything an old drunk like me is gonna tell them?  They humour me.  They like my company.  I wish they would believe me sometimes, then the truth…”
“NO!  That will never happen, Harvey, NEVER!  There are too many conspiracies surrounding the matter already.  You convince anybody that you were…”
“Look, Harvey…”
“NO!  What were you going to say?”
“Harvey, it doesn’t matter what I was going to say.” 
“Yes it does!  It does.  I’ve had enough of this.  And you are going to listen to me for once.  I may be an old drunk but I gave up my whole life for you people.  I had a wife and a daughter when you approached me.  You told me they would be looked after while I was gone and when I returned they…they…”
“Harvey, it was a terrible accid…”
“Rubbish!  You had them killed.  Don’t take me for an idiot.  I did everything you asked of me.  The training that almost killed me.  The secrecy and lies.  Then the mission.  I came back on the brink of madness.  Your people hadn’t really worked out what that could do to a man, had they?  But, they weren’t really that bothered.  They had everything they needed: samples, photographs, footage.  And what did I get out of all that?  FUCKING NOTHING!”
“I think you’ll find that you have been well paid for your services, Harvey.”
“I’d rather have had my wife and daughter.”
“As you’ve been told and told again, they…”
“…Were killed in an accident.  Yes, and chickens have teeth!”
“Look, Harvey.  Just carry on as you’ve been told to do so.  You’ll get your money every week.  You can drink it all away down at the bar with whoever goes in there.  Everybody’s happy, yeah?  You keep your mouth shut though.  No more silly talk, OK?”
“NO!  No more.  I’ve had enough.  Your people have had enough out of me.  They took my wife and child and for that I get a few dollars every week.  No, this ends now.  People need to know the truth.”
“Harvey, wait.  Don’t go near that door.  Stop!”
“People need to know and I’m going to tell them, whether you like it or not.  It’s the least I can do for my wife and child after all this time.  People need to know that Armstrong wasn’t the first man to walk on the moon.”
“Harvey, stop.  I can’t allow you to do this.  Harvey!  HARVEY!  I’m instructed to shoot if you walk out of…..”
“Harvey?  It didn’t have to come to this?  Why couldn’t you just see your days out?  Harvey?”
“Th…thank y…you.  N…now I get t…to see m…my girls ag…ag…again.”


Filed under conspiracy, david barber, david barber's fiction world, f3, the first, theory

18 responses to “F3 – Cycle 33 – THE FIRST.

  1. li

    Very good! nice twist, and I think it's difficult to get a story across using just dialogue, but you did well.

  2. Great new look for the blog! I really like this piece–a classic conspiracy with a twist. Nicely done.

  3. Nicely done! The twist was excellent, it bugs the utter Hell out of me to talk with people who do not believe any of the Apollo crews went to the moon.

  4. Hah! You sneaky fellow. With a name like Harvey I thought he dinged JFK. And agreed, the blog has a nice clean look.

  5. Very clever Mr. Barber! I'm with Thomas, I was thinking Oswald all the way. You did a great job here because as Lisa said above, ALL dialogue is a bastard I imagine. -Jimbo

  6. Very good, Mr B! (I had a sort of 'Capricorn 1' moment with this!)Very skillful, to convey this scene only through dialogue – well done, sir!

  7. Lisa – Thanks. I get a kick out of all dialogue. I find it more of a challenge. Chris – Thanks, mate. I'm not too sure I like my blog at the minute though. Beach – Thanks, buddy! Glad you liked it. I enjoyed writing it.Thomas – Cheers, bud! Glad I sneaked one on you! :-)Jim – Thank you, my friend. I've been known to talk a lot of shit at times, so I just write what I say in my own head! Ha!! Crazy as that sounds!I have to admit, the story was a bit of a rush job last night. It was written whislt making dinner for my wife and me and putting the kids to bed. I'm still not actually on top of my timekeeping at the mo. Your comments are much appreciated. Thank you!!

  8. Who would have fucking thought an ending up like this? Completely out of left field. And the whole thing was dialogue- I don't know how you do it.You got candy in your fingers, man.

  9. You've sure got a handle on dialogue if that was a rush job.

  10. Mike – Those are words I'll accept any day of the week. Thanks, dude!Tommy – If I'm totally honest, that's how most of my stories are written. I'll leave it 'til the last minute and it just comes out as is. Is it a good or bad thing? I don't know but it seems to work for me. Thanks, buddy!

  11. I always love good dialogue, it can absolutely make a good story and yours fleshed the story out nicely. I especially loved the line 'a celebrity farts at the wrong time and it’s all over YouTube before they can even smell it.' Thanks for sharingL Turner

  12. I like the way you wrote so clearly as a conversation. An original slant. Great stuff.

  13. This is probably one of the best-crafted pieces of dialogue I have seen in a long, long time… to tell a whole story in dialogue… brilliant!I loved the twist at the end… I too was thinking JFK… did you pick the name Harvey for that purpose? Nice job!I like the look of your blog too.

  14. Tag

    Yes i agree with the other. Your use of just dialogue to move the story along was well written. Fast paced and exciting. Like i overheard it in a bar and have no clue what they're talking about.

  15. RegCPA5963 – Thanks. I really enjoy writing dialogue. I glad you appreciate it too.Glen – Thanks, man! Appreciate you taking a look and leaving a comment.Veronica – Thank you. I had 2 ideas and the other was a JFK story but The First wouldn't go away. The rest is history as they say. Appreciate your kind words.Tag – Thank you so much. Glad I entertained you. Appreciate your comments.Thanks to everyone for stopping by and leaving kind words. Come back soon. Later!Tag –

  16. Well done! You kept me guessing which conspiracy theory you were working with until the very end. Oddly, my first F3 was also written in all dialogue, and it was really fun to work that way. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.

  17. Dialogue was the only way to tell this one effectively, and you pulled it off magnificently. I wasn't sure which theory either until the end. You really kept the suspense going right from the start. What dark measures are taken to ensure someone's silence. No happy endings for anyone in this type of situation. Great job on this!

  18. Great delivery. I love dialogue that works, with clever use of words to allow the reader to understand location. You've hammered that.Packed with intrigue – I certainly wasn't expecting the twist. Great story!

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