Monday Madness…..

This little piece came to mind when I was having my lunch today.  How my mind works…….

P-p-pornothology.

“So tell me, what’s your favourite?”

“Oh, I love g-g-great t-tits.”

“Ahh, parus major. Now, they are beautiful. Small, plump and brightly coloured. What about blue tits?”

“Well, I p-p-prefer them w-w-warm!”

“What? They’re all warm. What about juveniles? Do you know the difference?”

“Of course I d-d-do! What kind of qu-qu-question is th-th-that?”

“Well, some people can’t tell. They mistake juveniles for adults and that can be quite a problem.”

“Well I’m not l-l-like th-that.”

“Good. Let’s go off the tits for a minute and talk about a phalacrocorax aristotelis.”

“Wh-what?”

“A shag?”

“I beg your p-p-pardon?”

“A shag? No?”

“N-n-not with you!”

“What about kittiwake?”

“Kitty W-w-wake. I think she was in a film I’ve s-s-seen.”

“What? Never mind, let’s get back to the tits then. What about the aegithalos caudatus, the long tailed tit?”

“I p-p-prefer them with long l-l-legs.”

“Sorry? I think we have some kind of communication problem here.”

“Y-y-you r-r-reckon?  It’s a st-st-stammer.”

“No, not that.  Are you sure you’ve come to the correct class?”

“Y-yes.  This is the the p-p-pornothology c-c-class isn’t it?”

~End~

P.s. Yes, I know I spelt ornithology wrong, but thanks for noticing!

Later!

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21 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, flash fiction, humour, pornothology

21 responses to “Monday Madness…..

  1. Ha! That's one confused guy. Probably a good thing he didn't ask him about woodcocks.

  2. Nice. "aegithalos caudatus, the long tailed tit?” – that one got me.

  3. I would kill to actually witness this conversation in person. Great job with the stammering dialogue.

  4. LOL! Pornothology. Sign me up. What a coincidence, I'm reading a book right now with a stuttering protag. Stuttering's in! It's all the rage! We'll all be stuttering soon!

  5. Laurita, Erin & Jenny – Thanks a lot for stopping by. Glad it gave you a laugh.Jenny, welcome!!

  6. R-R-Rebecca – Th-th-thanks!! Glad you liked it.Come on lads, I'm feeling a bit intimidated here. Ha!

  7. Int-t-t-timidated? Isn't this the part where all the women commenting start whipping off their clothes because the subject of p-p-p-pornothology has got them all hot and bothered? b-b-b-bow-chika-wow-wow…

  8. Really now, four Oscars for "The King's Speech" and it's suddenly stammer this and s-s-stammer that…Mahhh – just foolin'. "Pornothology" is funny, funny stuff."Let’s go off the tits for a minute and talk about a phalacrocorax aristotelis." – the prof's dialogue is perfect. You set them up and knock them out all through this. Great stuff.

  9. G

    Amazing what kind of c-c-c-conversations one c-c-c-can have in one's h-h-head.

  10. Chris – Thanks, buddy! To be honest I'd totally forgotten about the Kings Speech. I just thought a bloke with a stammer would work well. Glad it gave you a laugh.G – Thanks, mate. What can I say? Come and have a look inside my head. There's loads of conversations like the above one going on in there!! Thanks for popping over, G.

  11. Well stuttering anoraks and frantic fumblings, what a laugh. Pornothology – quick, trademark that, #hashtag it on Twitter, get everyone writing Pornothology. Awesome.

  12. Lily – Thank you. If I had the time I would. Thanks for your previous help with Twitter, but I still can't get my head round it. May have to pick your brains again.

  13. The brains are rotten, David, rotten to the cortex. But I'll do what I can.I do see that @thetwoblokes have tweeted about #pornothology! I've replied but stupidly managed to miss off the hashtag. I told you, brains are long gone.

  14. Thanks, Lily. I'll be in touch.

  15. P.p.p.issed, me-sides, mate!Tits are one of my most favourite things on earth! Amazing how they hold the 'wow' factor every time they come into view. Of course I'm on about bird-watching. :-)You on Twitter then, bud? Off to find yer…

  16. Sounds like an episode from "Two and a Half Men." Thanks for the grin.

  17. He, he, he…I thought I'd stepped into a conversation with the blokes.

  18. Col – Tits are the finest thing on earth. It's just unfortunate that they belong to women! Ha!Ron – Thanks, mate. Glad it made you laugh.Alan – Thank you. I thought about writing it as The Two Blokes, but I didn't think it would work. Besides, I've got a couple of new ones for those two.

  19. This fella sure has bird trouble!

  20. I've got a stash of Pornothology magazines under my bed next to my binoculars. No wonder people keep calling me a twitcher.Love it.

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