Here’s my entry into the latest offering from Cormac Browns Icarus’ Flight To Perfection.  Similar set-up to FFF that he used to rum but it’s once a month instead of weekly.  Saying that, I’ve had a month yet I’ve had to rattle this off this morning.  Don’t ask!

Check out Icarus’ on the link above.

Anyway, here goes and hope you like it…


The red sky that morning should have been my warning, but I chose to ignore it. I had a job to do and I had to get there before the snow came.

I drove from my house and onto the country lane, my speed picking up as I changed through the gears. Then it came, like a blanket falling from the sky. Huge white flakes hit the windscreen, the wipers doing nothing to shift them.

I tried to slow the car but the brakes wouldn’t work. Surely the snow couldn’t stop them working. I pressed them again and they kicked in, sending the car into a skid. There was a loud bang and the car shuddered. Don’t panic, I thought, it was just a small deer or something.

It was then that the weird thing happened.  Everything happened in slow motion. 

The car was motionless. Suddenly the roof started creaking; the noise of metal being crushed filled the cars interior. The side windows exploded outwards and within seconds I was being covered in freezing cold snow. The snow filled the car. I tried to push it away from my face but it was getting into my mouth, up my nose. With each panicked breath I took the snow entered my throat. Is it actually possible to drown in snow? I asked myself.

I began to panic as the snow kept packing into the car. I was freezing, literally. I couldn’t move my arms anymore and the snow was freezing my throat. It happened quickly. I suddenly couldn’t breath and blacked out.

* * *

I woke up in a brightly lit room. I wasn’t in a bed, as you would expect, but sat upright in a chair. I looked around the room, looking for a door or a window, but there was nothing. It was only when I concentrated that I noticed that the whole room was moving, even the floor, almost cloud like.

“Where am I?” I asked out loud.

“Where do you want to be?” asked a deep booming voice.

“Who’s that?” I asked looking round.

“Your maker.”
“My maker? What are you talking about? Where are you and where is this?”

“I’m everywhere and you are in the decision room. This is where you meet your fate. You are to go through the door. There you will live for eternity.”

The cloudy movement in front of me slowly parted to reveal a door. I got up and walked over to it, grabbing the handle. I hesitated a moment, looking back to see if there was anyone else in the room. I slowly turned the handle and in a flash the door was ripped from its hinges. The room was filled with flames. Hideous looking creatures flew through the flames, screaming and laughing. I tried to take a step back but couldn’t.

“There’s no going back. This is your destination. This is your payback,” the voice boomed.

I was suddenly grabbed by the throat and dragged into the flames. Pain seared through every nerve in my body as, first my clothing and then my skin was scorched from my body. I screamed out in sheer agony but it was cut short as the flames burnt my throat. I was meant to see this happening to me as my eyes were somehow protected from the flames. I looked down at my hands and watched as the skin bubbled and burst, the same on my arms and stomach and legs. I could feel my face melting away and lifted my skeletal hands to touch it. I was looking like a monster, the monster I actually was.

* * *

3 Days Later.

“Holy shit! Boss, boss, you’d better come and look at this.”

Detective Derek Morris walked to the back of the wreckage and looked into the boot. Four black bin bags were all open for him to look into. The body parts were frozen. The head of a young blonde woman stared up from one bag. In another there was an arm and a leg, the same in another and then her torso in another. The little toe and little finger were missing from both hands and toes. The same as the other nine bodies that had been found over the past fourteen months

Detective Morris walked back to the driver’s side and looked in at the smashed remains of the driver. He was frozen. The car had been under heavy snow from the worst snowfall the country had ever seen. It had been noticed by a snowplough driver and reported to the police. A rescue vehicle had towed the car from where it had hit a huge oak tree.

“Maybe there is a God after all,” Morris said, “We couldn’t catch you but nature done our job for us. You met your maker.”


Have a great weekend!!



Filed under crime, david barber, david barber's fiction world, icarus' flight to perfection, monster

16 responses to “Monster…

  1. Very nice, Mr. Barber, very nice! Sorry that I'm a tiny bit late, computer problems. I'll swing around the other blogs, and then yours goes up as it already loaded.BTW, you're on the author list.

  2. Very nice indeed. But i have used a acid pool.

  3. Nicely done, David; great job.

  4. Good stuff, Dave. But kind of depressing a week before Christmas. Well, except for the snow part. Here in north New Jersey we haven't had any snow yet – thank goodness. (I've probably jinxed it now for sure.) Your header kind of made me laugh because I was thinking yup, that's just about what's in my head these days. 🙂

  5. Still no snow here on the Rock either. Calling for rain every day this week (Scottish weather…). Nice payback story, David. The part about him opening the door, where he met his fate, was really well-desribed.

  6. Another goodie, David! I liked the way you kept the reveal his 'crime' until the end!And I like the way his 'first' death was sub-zero and his 'second' a tad warmer! 😉

  7. "… the roof started creaking; the noise of metal being crushed." Me gusta. I was there.

  8. Great job, David. What you give, you get. That certainly proved true for this guy. You made him see it too and really experience both ends of his punishment. Very fitting for a 'monster' indeed!

  9. It may have been a last minute job, but this sure did give me a laugh at the end! Great to have you finally get in!

  10. Nice pace, and a surprising ending, this fellow has been a baaaad boy, hasn't he?

  11. Thanks guys. Didn't mean to depress anyone at this time of year……….honest!! Hahaha!!

  12. In the words of Lady Gaga "That boy is a monster!" I like how you ended it. It's gruesome in a justice served sort of way.

  13. I was feeling sorry for the guy until you revealed his crimes at the end! Great story David! Loved it. :)((Hugs))Laura

  14. Jodi & Laura – Thanks a lot ladies. As I said, it was a real rush job but 'm glad I managed to pull it off. Thanks again.

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