A Sunday Funny……

Laugh it up, Sid!

Come on, let’s have a laugh on a Sunday.  Hope you enjoy these….

A Cardiologist’s Funeral

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life… A huge heart… covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..

At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, ‘I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral… I’m a gynecologist.’

# # #

A woman arrived at a party.  While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

“That’s a beautiful name,” he replied, “Is it a family name?”

“No,” she said, “Actually I gave it to myself.  It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men.  Therefore I chose Carmen.  What’s your name?”

“B.J. Titsengolf,” he answered.

# # #

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, ‘Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?’

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.’

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,

The barman says, ‘I’m sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties…’

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, ‘We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.’

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, ‘Are you sure I will like it.’

The masses’ bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, ‘Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you’ll love it.’

‘Ok’, says the rabbit, ‘I’ll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.’

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves……….NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, ‘Who are you?’,

To which he is answered,

‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.’

The barman says, ‘I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.’

The rabbit says, ‘Yes I know.’

The barman said, ‘I remember, on your last night we didn’t have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.’

The rabbit said, ‘Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, ‘You never came back, what happened?’

‘I DIED’, said the rabbit.

‘NO!’ said the barman. ‘What from?’

After a short pause The rabbit said…………………….’Mixin-me-toasties.

# # #

Hope you enjoyed them, cause I did……..



Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, funnies, jokes, sunday

10 responses to “A Sunday Funny……

  1. Big laughs here on B.J. Titsengolf.

  2. David, that's got to be one of the best names I've heard. Ha!

  3. Good groaner on the bunny joke.

  4. "I'm a gynecologist" — too funny.I'm afraid "Mixin'-me-toasties" is lost on me though. Is it a UK thing?

  5. LOL!!! Thanks, needed a good laugh!

  6. A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'The nun replied, 'He went that way.'After the MP's ran off, the soldiercrawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enoughSister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'The nun said, 'I understand completely.'The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls….I don't want to go to Iraq either !!

  7. //.'Mixin-me-toasties.//ah… that was a great set-up…but I don't get it. The others were great…and so was PDB's

  8. Thanks guys. They weren't mine BTW. Jimm and Chris – Mixin-me-toasties is a play on the word myxamatosis which is a deadly disease that rabbits can catch. I don't think it's just a UK thing. Maybe it is.

  9. AH….. we don't bother killing rabbits with deadly diseases. Too expensive. We just run 'em over with cars. You Brits are so inventive!

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