Just Throwing One Out There…..

This little piece was inspired by Lily Childs Friday Prediction a few weeks ago.  I’m thinking of turning it into a much longer piece and just wanted a bit of feedback if you thought the initial idea is up for it.  Let me know either way.

It was simply called Cropper, but that may change.

Cropper.

Detective Charlotte stared out of the window into the car park of the station, his hands behind his back holding three pieces of paper.

He turned to the man sat at the desk and placed the papers in front of him.

“What are these supposed to mean? They look like a child’s drawings.”

“They are,” the man giggled, drawing invisible circles on the desk top with his bony fingers.

“Mr Cropper,” the detective said, “Are you aware of the implication of your actions if we don’t find the boy?”

“Boy, singular? Who said there was only one?” Cropper laughed.

-End-

All comments are appreciated………..

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16 Comments

Filed under cropper, david barber, david barber's fiction world, fiction, interrogation

16 responses to “Just Throwing One Out There…..

  1. Very creepy! I get a good sense of Cropper,even in that short piece, not so much Det. Charlotte, but if you expanded it there would be plenty of room to develop his character. Definitely potential there to work this into a longer piece, I think, Cropper comes across as nicely evil and crazy which is always a good combo for a villain.

  2. Oooooo. I'd definitely expand it into a longer piece. Some of my best work came from short pieces, and I guess In The Woods is my best example.As Joleen says, it has the potential to make a really good story. I was so into it, I was upset it stopped! Anyway, bottom line is, go for it!Pixie x

  3. Thanks, Joleen. In my head Det. Charlotte is the main character so I would introduce a more detailed picture of him and his personality etc, although Cropper would be with him all the way. Thanks for your input.

  4. Pixie, you've ventured over. ;-)Thanks. I did like these characters when I wrote it, even though it was only 100 words or so. Stop by any time.

  5. Definitely expand this. Develop Charlotte, but keep the creep extra mysterious.

  6. Thanks, Randal. I've got a great idea for Cropper. Yes, Charlotte is the main man. Hope you're watching the Premiership. 🙂

  7. Lovrd this at Lily's, love it still.I've nominated you for a Creative bloggers award. Check my posting for details – (and accept my apology for the "pass it on" nature of the thing.)

  8. Yep good stuff, David and well worth expanding. As previously commented Cropper has a creepy feel about him and a nice hook with the child's drawings making the reader want to know what they mean and what has he done…It gets my vote.Cheers.

  9. I think the verdict is in, Dave. Expand.

  10. Dave- Love the title and it has great potential. Might the victim be found in the "earthquake houes"? A few punctuation errors, but that is not what you asked about 😉

  11. Totally. It's crying out to fill a hard-back. It's so creepy, especially that giggle – freaks me out. I confess though, that maintaining that level of menace at novel-length is a toughie – or are you thinking short story? Go for it David, and good luck (not that you need it).

  12. In such a short space you've set up a good feel for what's comming. Looking forward to seeing where it will lead. Nice.

  13. Yes David…I have ventured over, and I've also nominated you for a Creative Writer award. Check out my blog to see what's what. :)Good luck with the story.Pixie x

  14. Chris – Thanks, mate. No need to apologise. An award is an award! :-)Alan & David – Thanks guys.Sean – Thanks, mate. If there are errors, I don't mind them being pointed out. Thanks. ;-)Lily – I was thinking just more a short story, but who knows. I've got some great ideas forming. Thank. :-)Alan – Thank you, sir.Pixie – Thank you. I'm honoured.

  15. Dave,I agree with the others – excellent set up in so few words n well worth developing further.

  16. So creeeeeeeeeepy in its brevity!!

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