Two Blokes, Again…..

I’ve been away from the blog of late, not posting as much as I was.  Well, I’ve been stuck in the middle of nowhere working in an old, damp house, tiling a huge floor that could be classed as a munro!

Anyway, I heard these two at the bar the other day and thought you’d like to know what they were talking about.  I asked them their names, but they wouldn’t tell me.  They said they would let you know when they are ready to let you know and not just because you want to know.  Oh well, grumpy old bleeders!

This, in part, is dedicated to a friend of mine.

Hope you enjoy!

Two Blokes, Part 5

“Hey, mate. How’s it going?”

“Yeah, not bad.”

“What you been up to?”

“The usual, work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat. Oh, and then a few beers with you, the highlight of my week.”

“Yeah, mine too.”

“Oh, the irony.”

“I’ve done it.”


“My ironing, I’ve done it.”

“I said the IRONY. Don’t worry about it. Hey, remember that story I wrote the other week for that Internet site?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Well. It’s closed down. I went back to see if my story got any comments and it’s closed.”

“You mean you broke the cybernet?”

“No. What? How would someone break the Internet? Don’t answer that, I’ve not got time. No, the moderator who ran it has shut up shop. A great bloke by all accounts, from what I read in the comments section. He said he wants to spend more time with his family and concentrate on his own writing. Well, good luck to him, I say.  I wish him well and I don’t even know him.”


“What’s up with you?”

“You see, that’s what I don’t like about the cybernet. Robots are everywhere.”


“You said a terminator ran it.”

“I said the moderator. Mod…er…ator.”

“Oh, right. What’s a mod…?”

“Don’t even ask.”

“Okay.  Do you want another pint?”

“I’d better not. I’ve got a hospital appointment tomorrow.”

“Oh, yes. What for?”

“I’ve got a bit of a problem with the old ticker. I keep getting palpitations…”


“Palpitations. It’s a feeling that your heart is racing but for no reason. I’ve got a couple of tests to have because it can be caused by a blocked ventricle. Now, if it is that, and this is the scary part, I may have to go in and have my heart stopped and restarted so it gets back on a normal rhythm. Nothing to worry about though, apparently they’ve got a great success rate.”


“What’s up with you now?”

“I need to go.”


“I need to get to the doctors, it’s a bit personal.”

“Oh, come on. You can tell me.”

“Well, you’ve got me worried now.”

“Hey, mate. Come on, it’s only a routine check up. I’ll be alright.”

“No. Not about you.”

“Oh, cheers.”

“No, no. What it is is that I’ve got a small lump. And I never knew it could affect your heart.”


“You said that you may have a blockage in your testicle and you may have to have your heart stopped and restarted. Well, I don’t want that so I’m off to see the doctor.”

“Oh, you daft cock! I said VENTRICLE. It’s a chamber in your heart. There are four chamb…..forget it. I do need another drink now. Two more beers please, mate.”


You know the drill………………..



Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, humour, two blokes at a bar

18 responses to “Two Blokes, Again…..

  1. Thanks, mate. Glad you liked it.

  2. Hmmmm – these two make me laugh! I presume it must be very noisy in that pub as one half of the duo always mis-hears things. Maybe he'd better get his ears checked as well as the (unmentionables!) – but then, where's the fun in that?Great to see you back, Mr B. (now I'll be out of circulation for a couple of weeks….) and also good to see Cormac !

  3. Teehee, very nice playing on the language once again, David! You're really quite skilled at that.

  4. testicle? ventricle…too much David

  5. Terminator. Good one. And the testicle/ventricle? Oh my.

  6. Ha. Everyone beat me to it: testicle/ventricle.

  7. You definitely have the touch with this one David. Love this series, and these characters. If you ever do a collection of your shorts – these would be the ideal guys to carry it through.

  8. Great bantering! Love the humor.

  9. Were they pissed up or summat? :)Funny stuff, Dave.

  10. Ha! That was the funniest one to date. Makes me want to go get my tes…umm,I mean ventricle checked out though.

  11. A blockage in the left what, causes a what?!? Those palpatations are tricky things. Very funny mister.OH, also wanted to say that your blood and gore story awhile back inspired me to write one of my own. I thought it was really neat for you to take a risk like that, and the more I thought about it the more I realized I'd never written a hack and slash, not really. So I wrote up a a halloween one. I think I could do a better job at the gore, but a person has to start somewhere. I'll let you know if it get's published. Thanks for being my muse. It's what we writer friends are for. ❤

  12. … Hilarious, David. Love these two blokes.

  13. Thanks guys. I really do love these two. I have no idea where they came from, but they are certainly here to stay. Expect more very soon.Thanks again!

  14. Nice to see you too, Sue.David,I hope that you'll keep the Two Blokes going.

  15. Thanks for prompting me to read these guys. Got images of the guys from still game you watch that right? I see what you mean about speach though, to the point, snappy, and like i would if i was hanging with my mates.Thnak you not only did you make me smile but great insight.

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