To A Better Place…..


“I’ll vouch for her,” he said, striding towards the desk, his eyes firmly fixed on the police officer, “she was with us all night.”

Her eyes opened wide when she turned and saw who it was.  The tall thin man, wearing a black pin-striped suit, looked up from the policeman and glared at her from across the room.

“I think you’ll find all is in order with the paperwork, officer.”

“Yes, all looks in order, erm…Dr Schimberg.”

The officer looked over to where she was sitting, “Miss Jane Wild, you’re free to leave now.”

Dr Schimberg held out a hand, “Come now, Jane.  Let’s take you home.”


Walking her down the deserted hospital corridor, he said, “The servitude we have bestowed, and you repay us this way. Well, I assure you, this will never happen again.”

He took out a bunch of keys and unlocked the door to her dingy room.

Pushing her into the gloom, he said, “Never again, Jane.  I will personally see to it that you never get out of here….ever!”

Jane heard the key turn in the lock, followed by his footsteps echoing on the tiled corridor floor.  She slumped down on her metal bed and opened her handbag, lifting out the very thing she had left for.


The lamp that sat on the table in the corner was flickering, as if waiting for the bulb to blow.  On the floor, a  piece of burnt aluminium foil laid next to the dying body of nineteen year old Jane Wild. There was only so much physical, sexual and psychological abuse a body could take, and her frail body could take no more.

She would soon become just another statistic on the social services computer system.  Another victim let down by the failure of the very authority that was supposed to look after her.

The syringe hanging out of the crook of her arm had administered the lethal overdose that it was meant to, and was now taking Jane to a better place.  A peaceful place where she would come to no more harm.


Originally inspired by Lily Childs’ Friday Prediction.

This is my first official entry in the Friday Flash club, which was started by J.M. Strother.  Check it out at his site Mad Utopia.
You know the drill……….



Filed under chiller, david barber, david barber's fiction world, to a better place

25 responses to “To A Better Place…..

  1. Nicely done again David. You are really making an effort to write and get your stuff out there – the hard work is paying off and the stuff is quality stuff. Well done mate. I'm all out of stuff now!Kind regards.

  2. Alan – Thanks mate. Don't give up on it mate. The ideas will come. You write great pieces and we want more from you. What I'm doing is a kind of personal experiment. Don't know what happens at the end yet, but I hopefully will do when it comes…if you know what I mean. Stick with it mate, please.

  3. Thanks for the kind words David, much appreciated; don’t worry I have not given up the writing ghost completely.Kind regards.

  4. Really good job. And I have to say that brilliant minds must indeed think alike: I wrote a story last year called "A Better Place".

  5. Alan – You're more than welcome. Would love to see something from you soon.Mike – Where's the story? Was it published or sitting on you computer? Thanks mate. How's things going with you?

  6. Going well. The story is linked off my blog- just look under "My Short Stories".

  7. Paul – Thanks, mate. Nice to see you back.

  8. Great story David, liked the way you painted Jane's sense of hopelessness.

  9. Most excellent David, I always enjoy reading your stories!

  10. Beach & Coraline – Thanks for the kind words. They're much appreciated and I'm happy to know you're enjoying my writing.

  11. That is interesting red coming out of the waterfall! What happened?

  12. David – I'm just experimenting with the blog at the moment. You don't knoe haw to remove and email address from the nav bar do you? That's my wife's email address for her business.

  13. David, the daily writing is paying off!! This was damn excellent…the ideas are flowing forth like a bloody waterfall (pun intended!!)

  14. Her despair is palpable. Really felt for her. Too bad she couldn't that the "good doctor" with her – he really gave me the creeps.Welcome to #fridayflash.~jon

  15. Paul – Thanks bud. I'm enjoying it and hoping it IS paying off.Jon – Thank you. I'll be a regular. Glad you liked it.

  16. Enjoy the details, especially the bulb ready to blow and the aluminum foil. Welcome to Friday flash.

  17. Aiden – Thanks a lot. Will get round to reading some more of the stories in the next few days.

  18. Dave,Good to see you churning out top stuff consistently, mate. Nice n creepy this one, with a poignant ending.BTW, if no one has answered your email question yet… am pretty sure everyone just sees their own email addresses in the top right when on blogger n not yours.

  19. Thanks, Col. I got my head round the email bit….eventually. Thanks for the kind words.

  20. Great story but very sad too.I am looking forward to reading more of your work.

  21. Rebecca – Thanks very mucu. Feel free to have a look around. I will have something ready for this week.

  22. Ah yes… A bloody waterfall. hence the new pic on your header. Riveting piece… Nice new template, David…

  23. Welcome to Fridayflash! Nice Debut!

  24. Anthony – Thanks as always, man. Glad you like the make over. It'll probably change again.G.P. – Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I'm now one of your followers too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s