Sunday Morning Fun…..

I’ve not posted any funnies for a while so, as the sun is finally winning its battle with the clouds, I thought I’d post a couple that I’ve received.

Hope they give you a giggle.

Have a great day!

* * * * *

DRUNK PEOPLE

A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife..

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you
Remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here……….on the swing,” replied the drunk.

* * * * *

Murphy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Murphy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Murphy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you?”

Murphy said, “Why d’you say such a mean thing?”

“Well,” Kathleen said, “It could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly……..it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

* * * * *

The above jokes are not my own words, they were sent to me by e-mail.  Hope you enjoyed them.

**POST ADDITION – MANCHESTER UNITED PICK UP THEIR FIRST TROPHY (OF MANY) FOR THE 2010/2011 PREMIERSHIP SEASON**
COME ON BOYS!!!!!
You know the drill……….
Advertisements

9 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, funnies, sunday

9 responses to “Sunday Morning Fun…..

  1. 😉 – what a nice 'welcome home' after working all weekend!

  2. Thanks for the laugh, David.

  3. I really liked the "push on the swing" joke…the other was a bit of a groan.Where did you get that photo of my old man?United won something? I'll be damned…

  4. Good jokes, then you go n spoil it with that red shite badge!

  5. Jokes about drunks are always funny. :PCongrats on your teams win!!!((Hugs))laura

  6. Yes… we love the funnies, David. Keep 'em. comin'

  7. The mirror with the band-aids was the best. Almost been in that condition, a couple of times.

  8. "Over here……….on the swing." Ha. That would be my luck.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s