FFF#37…Two Blokes At The Bar, Part 3

It’s Friday Flash Fiction time again and I’m pleased to be back in the fold.

Cormac gave us the starter sentence this time.  Even though I’m getting back to normal, I’m still a bit pushed for time so my 2 dudes took it upon themselves to disect the sentence and talk bollocks again.

As usual the starter sentence is in blue.  Hope you enjoy…

Two Blokes At The Bar, Part 3.

“As with juggling, the key to life is to keep the procession moving steady and don’t look down.”


“I said, in a round about way, to just get on with things in life, but concentrate while you’re doing it. You know, one thing at a time and all that.”

“Don’t get it.”

“What? What don’t you understand?”

“Well, I can’t juggle for a start. I tried once, but I’m all fingers and fums.”

“That would describe your hands then. Listen, it’s a kind of metaphor, you plank. Don’t take it so literally.”

“And, I’m not in a marching band or anything like that. I’ve never been in a procession, well apart from a time when I was in me pram and me mum went burning her knickers and stuff.”

“Jesus, she should’ve burnt you. That would be burning her bra, you thick twat.”

“And in this “meteor” thing, why can’t I look down? I’ll end up stepping in something.”

“METAPHOR, not meteor! What the f…, look, whatever you step in is going to have more sense than you, you dopey arse.”


“What’s wrong now?”

“I was just thinking.”

“That must’ve hurt.”

“Are you talking about a tightrope walker, you know, not looking down and all that?”

“Fucking hell. You know, I’m trying to stop swearing and you drive me to it. NO, I’m not talking about a tightrope walker. If I was, I’d have said a funambulist, a person who performs on a tight or, for that matter, a slack rope.”


“What’s so funny?”


“What are you laughing at?”

“Funambulance. Hahaha, you’ve just made up a great word. Imagine that. An ambulance that takes you to the hospital and it has a clown on it, or a comedian that makes you laugh on the way to the hospital. That’s a great idea. Hahaha!”

“I said FUNAMBULIST! You really need to clean out your ears when you take a shower, you know. A funambulist. A very famous fun….tightrope walker was Bird Millman who entertained the crowds with the famous Barnum and Bailey Circus in the early nineteen hundreds. She was…..”


“What now?”

“A….bird…..milk….man. That’s so funny.”

“I didn’t say milkman, you tosser. I said Millman, it was her surname.”

“Ha! I can just imagine him, delivering little tiny bottles of milk to the birds in the morning. Hey, just imagine big Roy doing it. Ha, his hands are like barn doors and he’d be picking up those delicate, little bottles between his huge sausage fingers. Hahaha!”

“You know, I really don’t know why I bother with you. You completely do my head in. I just can’t believe we’re related.”

“What? Did you just say we’re related? What, like brother and sister related? Fuck me.”

“Brother and sister? Jesus Christ! They definitely dropped you on your head when you were born. Two more beers please, mate.”

To be continued…


You know the drill…….



Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, friday flash fiction, two blokes at a bar

18 responses to “FFF#37…Two Blokes At The Bar, Part 3

  1. Ha ha ha ha ! I'm pleased these two have turned up again – love the play on words, David!Rounded off a top night – as I've just had an email from an agent…… :-)Cheers, mate!

  2. God I love those two guys. Now I'm starting to picture them robbing a bank or jacking a car…Always fun, man. Always fun.

  3. G

    Great story, those two guys should work for the government.Thanks for the Monday evening chuckle.

  4. Funambulance!! What a crack-up…Great to see the boys in action again, David…and welcome back!!

  5. Fun chit-chat, Dave. Well done. And regarding your question about the "little boy" ; well, maybe, but then again, maybe not. Whatever you prefer, my friend. Cheers!

  6. Diggin' this vibe, David but that should not be a shock… I left you a present on my blog. Check it out…

  7. Top quality stuff David. Good to see these two again.

  8. These guys are proof that booze is good.

  9. Funny stuff David, as Sue commented a good play on words.Kind regards.

  10. Ah, our old friends! Funny and fun. When I read "funambulist" I thought of an ambulance with clowns on it too. I guess you know which stool I sit on.

  11. To all. Thank you so much for the comments. It really means a lot. I have no idea where these 2 dudes came from but they're here to stay. I have some great ideas for them and Mr Wilkerson may have touched on a couple. Thanks again.

  12. Great story, they actually relate like my youngest brother and me.

  13. Love this kind of nonsense.

  14. Beach & Gaye – Thanks for the kind words.

  15. This is hilarious David! I'm so glad to see you made it back, hope things start to slow down for you, we need to keep reading your work!!!Regards to the family!

  16. Coraline – Thanks. You're way too kind. These guys practically write themselves.Regards to you and yours too. Have a great weekend.

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