FFF #32…Inexperience.

Cormac Brown is back from his vacation so Friday Flash Fiction is as well.  It’s nice to be back myself but with this contribution, I’m feeling a little out of practice. 
As usual, I left it to the last minute so be kind.

The starter sentence was provided by Nicole Hirschi and is in blue.

INEXPERIENCE.

“So much for plan B.”

“The fuck d’ya mean?”

Roy stared at his mate, sucking on his cigarette. “I mean plan A wasn’t much cop and plan B was even shittier.”

“Well, you never came up with anything, ya dick.”

“Watch your mouth boy. I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been playing with yaself. For some reason Johnny put you in charge of this one and you’ve fucked up royal.”

Thomas looked at the older man smoking the cigarette. “Well, what d’ya suggest?”

Roy sucked hard on his cigarette again and blew out a long stream of smoke. His eyes darted from side to side, taking in everything in front of him. He picked up the bottle of beer from the counter and took a large mouthful.

“From what I see, Tommy, plan A was to come in here, hold up the place and empty the cash register. The only thing is, you decided to empty was your gun into that bloke lying in front of the fridge.”

“He came runnin…”

Roy held up a hand, the beer bottle dangling from his large fingers, and carried on, “So then plan B was to still empty the cash register but no more killing, only the owner decides to pull out his shotgun cos you killed his son, causing me to empty my gun into the owner. This is so fucked up.”

“So, what d’ya suggest then?”

“Well, Tommy boy, if you were good at your job, which you are very obviously not, you’d have counted the number of shots I put into that guy down there. I saved this one for you, cos I aint going down for no two bit arsehole who aint got a fuckin’ clue.”

Roy pulled the trigger and disposed of most of Tommy’s brain via the exit wound at the back of his head. As Tommy fell backwards, a small trail of smoke snaked out of the hole in the front of the balaclava he was wearing.

“I’ll just grab me a pack of beer and put this one down to inexperience, Tommy.”

Roy looked up at the security camera and then at the monitor behind the counter. His own balaclava clad face stared back. He calmly walked out of the off licence, removing his balaclava as he did.

“I’m getting too old for this.”

End.

You know the drill, please leave a comment…whether you liked it or not.  I will try harder next time.

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18 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, friday flash fiction, inexperience

18 responses to “FFF #32…Inexperience.

  1. Glad to see something new, David. I think Plan C was killer – okay, bad pun but…what can I do, I'm an Australian!!

  2. Thanks Paul. I like the pun! I will hopefully have a few more pieces up soon.

  3. I liked this gritty little crime scene. The accents are a tricky thing to maintain through an entire story.

  4. Punchy.Enjoyed it, mate.

  5. Good to see you "punch" as hard as ever. Only problem I had is with this being proper Brit Grit played with an occasional American voice. Ignore the fact you have an audience over the pond and be true to where you locate the characters. I tell you what though, having been off the scene for a while I can see big improvements.

  6. Man, that was some great dialogue…just keep writing it like you feel it.

  7. Call me a grizzled old timer, but the young punks these days don't have a clue what it means to be a pro. Tommy had it coming to him.Nice one.

  8. David:Wow! Very punchy and pointed! It feels like a stretch from your more typical writings for FFF. I very much liked the dialogue. I had to look up what "balaclava" was, but when I saw the image, then it made a perfect impression. Excellent job!PipeTobaccohttp://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

  9. Snappy shit, David. You have one hell of a voice and make me feel better about my potty mouth.Not out of practice at all.

  10. David – I can understand the comments about the accent/Brit Grit anomalies – but the main gist of the story still carried the tale well. Maybe one to polish up and decided which side of the 'pond' you want it set in?Either way – its a keeper!And some lovely imagery – I liked the smoke trail from Tommy's balaclava.Well done, yet again!

  11. Thanks Guys. Being from Manchester and knowing the areas where I'm from, you'd be surprised by the current dialect. I understand your comments and accept them but street talk is ever changing and the dimwits out there haven't got a clue where they are from. D'ya know what I mean bruvva's, dudes, home's? 🙂

  12. Love the dialects, David… It adds a certain authenticity. Hey, twain did it, right?

  13. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could just dispose of someones brain via the exit wound in the back of their head!Great story! I was in the mood for a no bullshit kind of read and this delivered!((Hugs))Laura

  14. Was this the pulp equivalent of "get off my lawn?" 🙂

  15. Very dramatic and cranky! I liked the language, myself.

  16. Had to come back and read the story twice, kept getting pulled away. EXCELLENT story!

  17. Thanks alot for the comments guys 'n' gals.

  18. Great action piece David! I love where you took my sentence this week!

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