Friday Flash Fiction #31…Betrayal.

So, I’m refreshed after a great ‘surprise’ weekend in the Hilton…not the filthy internet sensation, Paris, but a lovely hotel in Aviemore with my wife, kids, friends and their daughter. 

All work and no play isn’t good for anybody!!!

This weeks Friday Flash Fiction challenge, hosted by the top dude that is Cormac Brown, had a simple rule of including five words of Mr Brown’s choice.  They were: Batch, Catch, Latch, Patch, Coriander.  All five words MUST be used but in no particular order. 

Here is my entry for this week’s challenge…


They were best mates. They’d been friends since they could remember, brought up on the same council estate. They’d gone to the same schools, although Rob had been a year younger than Jimmy. They’d looked out for each other at school and then that had carried on in to their adult lives. So when a best mate shits on you from a dizzy height, it puts you in a similar position to the one Jimmy was in now: sat in his mate’s house with his mate’s naked wife tied to a chair in the kitchen.

“I seriously can’t believe he would do it to me,” Jimmy said, sat facing the naked woman.

There was no response: her balled up knickers were stuffed in her mouth and secured there by one of her stockings tied at the back of her head. Her face was smeared with make-up and tears.

“What a tosser. My best mate for years and then this. I’ll fucking kill him.”


“You wouldn’t believe the shit we’ve done together. Women: we had so many before we got married. There’s a certain patch of Manchester where we’ve had most of the women who live there. Haha! Fuck…we double teamed more than most men have had in their lives.”

Jimmy took a big mouthful of Rob’s prized single malt whiskey.

“I’m sure he won’t mind me drinking this…seeing as though I fucking bought it for him.”

He pointed the gun at her face, pushing her nose to one side with the muzzle. She tried to move her head away but Jimmy kept the gun against her skin, following her movements.

“You know, I should stick one up you right now, just to get the bastard back. I can’t believe he’s fucking done it and do you know what, he’s done it right under our noses.” Jimmy waved the gun at his own face and then hers.

The woman shook her head, mumbling something against the gag.

Jimmy hit the bottle of malt again, gulping it down.

He gave out a growl and said, “I remember winning this for him at an auction. Two and a half grand I paid for it. It was a special batch of the stuff, only so many were bottled. I knew he liked the stuff and the word was that it was a good whisky that would certainly taste better in time. Shit….”

Jimmy drank more from the bottle and slammed it on the table next to his friend’s naked wife.

“The only thing is, Sonia, is that this fucking whisky just leaves a bad taste in my mouth now. You know, like when you get a whole clump of coriander stuck to your chicken in the Indian. It’s bitter.”

Sonia started sobbing.

“Oh, you can cry bitch. Oh, you can fucking cry. You’ll cry even more when you watch me put a bullet through your husbands head and then, for good measure, I’ll drag my cheating, whore of a wife over here and put one straight through her face before finishing you off. What do you think about that, eh?”

Jimmy pushed the gun in her face again and then trailed it down her neck and between her breasts, down her stomach to the neatly manicured bush between her legs. Her thighs tightened and clenched together and a loud sob escaped from behind her gag.

He moved the gun and said, “You are a fine looking woman, Sonia. I’ll save you for when your husband gets here. Because there’s the catch, I gonna fuck you right in front of your husband, see how he likes being done over.”

Breathing alcoholic fumes, he licked up the side of her face. With his left hand he brushed the skin of her right shoulder, moving it slowly down to her right breast. Jimmy snatched his hand away, turned and laughed hard.

“Okay. So, where are we at, Sonia? Your husband has fucked me over. He stole all the money from our last job. A hundred and twenty grand. And then he fucks my wife behind my back. How do I know, you ask? Because he dropped this in our fucking bedroom.”

Jimmy dropped a betting slip on the table.

“So, I think you can now understand my actions, can’t you?” he said pointing the gun in her face again.

Sonia looked down, her shoulders shaking as she started crying again. Jimmy lowered the gun, grabbed the bottle of whisky from the table and took a step away from the crying woman. He didn’t hear the latch on the back door being lifted.

Lifting the bottle to his lips, he said, “It won’t be long now, Sonia. As soon as…”

There was very little warning as the bottle exploded in Jimmy’s hand, the amber liquid mixed with claret from the huge hole in his throat. Glass and liquid showered the naked woman sat in front of him. Jimmy’s eyes bulged as his hands fell to his sides. He dropped onto his knees and then fell backwards, his head making a loud crack as it hit the tiled kitchen floor.

Sonia was still looking down at the kitchen floor when she heard footsteps on the kitchen tiles. She raised her head slowly and a smile spread behind the gag. Hands gently removed the stocking tied behind her head and Sonia spat out her balled up panties.

“Did he hurt you?” a voice asked.

“No, not really. I…I was afraid something had happened to you,” Sonia replied as her hands and feet were untied.

Sonia was helped to her feet and she walked around the dead body of Jimmy, avoiding the broken bits of bottle on the floor. She rested one arm across her breasts and the other covered her groin. She was shivering.

“Are you okay? Did you do it?” Sonia asked.

“Yes, I’m fine and yes, I did it. He’s dead, and we’re a hundred and twenty grand better off.”

Jimmy’s wife, Helen, walked over to Sonia and took off the jacket she was wearing. She draped it over her lover’s shoulders and kissed her.

“Rob only suffered for a short time. Now, let’s get you cleaned up, we’ve got work to do.”


Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you think.  Thanks…



Filed under betrayal, david barber, david barber's fiction world, friday flash fiction

19 responses to “Friday Flash Fiction #31…Betrayal.

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Great piece of flash there Dave, some classic noir lines in there.

  3. Thanks Lee. Good to see you about mate.

  4. Trust no-one! :-0Good, tense atmosphere and a nice, twisted ending, Mr B.

  5. Some nice dark lines in there.

  6. Damn gritty twist on that one! Yes, I always like it when the women pair up:) Girls just want to have fun, and 120K otta' do it!

  7. This is FANTASTIC, Dave. What a twist of an ending. Grabs you right from the first paragraph and leads you down a dark road. You do believe you know what's at the end, but NO! Terrific!

  8. That was great David!Like everyone else said, wonderful twist. :)I enjoyed it. :)((Hugs))LauraP.S. Glad that you had such a nice weekend with your family and friends. You work hard, you deserved it. 🙂

  9. David, love the image of Jimmy get shot and the scotch bottle breaking, all in one motion. Would make a great scene in a film.Enjoyed it greatly, mate!PS: Glad you had a good break. Seems to have not harmed your writing. Brilliant as ever!

  10. Sue – Thanks, glad you liked it.David – Thanks my man. I'm contemplating sending a piece over to BTAP.Erin – Thanks for looking and giving us a sneak look at your saucy side. :-)Laura – Thanks as always. Yes we had a great weekend and I am now fully recharged…I think. :-)Paul – You're too kind mate. A great break was had by all. Getting to work on my bigger project and some smaller pieces too. Thanks man.

  11. G

    Freaky.I think you might give David a run for his money with this one.

  12. What no hot lesbian sex scenes? Still a damn good and scary story.

  13. Excellent piece of 'Brit Noir', Dave. Glad the ending wasn't predictable – I thought the shooter was Rob, who would've chatted with Sonia before the twist of putting a bullet in her forehead with a 'Sorry, Love,' moment, then enter Jimmy's missus… but no – you nailed it big time!

  14. That guy was ferocious and awful. I'm glad he got it in the end. Nice work…very vivid. BTW: I'm not quite sure how the betting slip tipped him off that his buddy stole 120k. Was it because the bet was for that amount?

  15. Nice twist, David. Enjoyed it quite thoroughly. Now I'm thirsty 🙂

  16. I'm afraid I've gotta second BB, you can't write quality stuff, with that ending, and not give us the goods. Goddamn tease. 😉

  17. G – You seem to have lost the plot slightly and mixed up your comments. :-)Beach – Thanks mate. In my head they had a fantastic time getting Sonia cleaned up in the shower.Col – As usual mate, thanks a lot. Appreciate your feedback.Flannery – Thanks. The betting slip was Rob's. It was planted by the women so that Jimmy would find it and recognise his 'best mate's' hand writing to make him think something was going on. Had nothing to do with the money. The money was from a job that they had already done. Thanks for questioning it though. I was at just over a 1000 words and I couldn't go into too much detail with it.Chad – Thanks mate. It was a fine bottle of whisky. ;-)Randal – As I told Beach, the shower scene was fantastic. There was soap and lather and bubbles and erect……you get the drift. 😉

  18. Sorry I'm late to this… But a delicious and devilishly great read. Gritty, pulpy and noirish. Perfect pitch.

  19. Anthony – No probs withe lateness on my blog, I the worlds worse! Thanks man. I treid to make it as dark as possible without waffling too much and keeping to around the 1000 word mark.

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