FFF #28…Up To My Neck.


Friday Flash Fiction is up again and this week Paul D Brazill set the starter sentence. 

Thanks again to Cormac Brown for doing this every week.  Cheers mate.

The starter sentence, as always, is in blue.  This is by far one of my worst effort’s I think, so please tell me the truth.  Work is ruling my world at the moment but it pays the bills and “keeps the wolves from the door” as they say, so I’m struggling for time (Hence my lateness).

Up To My Neck.

The trouble with me is that I never realise how deep in the shit I am until I’m choking on the stuff.

And now, with the moon and stars looking down on me, buried up to my neck in the sand with the cheap bitch I was caught with facing me and the tide coming in, I know I’m really in the shit.

“How the fuck have we ended up here?”

“What?”

“Bitch!”

“You callin me a…”

“Yes. A bitch. You told me you were a hooker. We go to your room and we end up here. How the fuck has that happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“What d’you mean? Something went wrong, didn’t it? If I get out of here I’m gonna slap you silly cos you’ve got something to do with this.”

“How could I have something to do with it when I’m buried as well?  Dumb shit.”

“Don’ get fucking cocky with me, you two bit whore.”

The tide wasn’t that far away and I could hear it lapping away at the sand only a couple of feet from me.

“Shut your whining, Stuart.” The voice came from behind me.

“Who the fuck is that?” I tried to look round, my eyes straining to see who it was.

“My name is, well, let’s just say it’s Paul. I was hired by your wife to follow you and find out what you get up to on a regular basis. I was instructed to get rid of you in an imaginative way but to tell you not to worry about her and your son. They’ll be well looked after when your life insurance is paid.”

“Look, erm Paul. I don’t know what you’re on about. It’s the first time I’ve ever cheated on my missus and we didn’t even get to do anything. I only got my shirt off and a glimpse of her tits and then I wake up here, buried up to my neck in this shitty sand with god knows what trying to crawl up my arse. Look, I’ll double what my wife has paid you.”

“How come I’ve ended up in here?” the woman asked.

“Excess baggage I suppose. Just not your lucky day, love.”

“Come on, mate. Get us out and we can talk about it.” I said.

“HELP! SOMEBODY HELP…”

The woman’s shouts were cut short with a shovel on the top of her head. The thud of the impact was followed by a sickening, cracking noise. Blood ran down her face. In the darkness it looked like ink had been poured over her head. Her sightless eyes stared back at me. If it wasn’t for the fact that the sand was up to her chin, her head would have dropped forward and those eyes wouldn’t be looking at me.

“Oh shit!  Now, come on mate. Please, we can talk. I’ll…”

“Sorry. I’m under instruction. I’ll tell you what. I’ll leave this here and if you free your hands you can did your way out before the sea comes for you.”

The man dropped the shovel next to my head and started walking away. I heard him take out his mobile phone and speak.

“It’s done, love. Yes, I’ll be home soon.”

Aint that a kick in the balls, I thought as the first of many waves washed over my head, sending me on my way to meet my maker.

END

Ah well, there it is.  You know the drill, leave a message if you want to.  If not, that’s your problem…. 🙂

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22 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, friday flash fiction, up to my neck

22 responses to “FFF #28…Up To My Neck.

  1. Gruesome fun. I'd like to see him struggle at the end; he's too accepting of his fate for justice!The Clean White Page

  2. You been talkin' to my wife? Lately, she's got this look in her eye and I thought I heard a message on our phone from some British guy…Just remember this: there are several ways I do not want the hard goodbye. Buried to my chin on the beach, ranks right up there. A nice shot to the back of the head with a large caliber pistol or a quick de-heading would be appreciated. Good story, brotha.

  3. Tina – Appreciate you popping over. I would have fleshed it out a bit if I had more time. Maybe another one I will go back to. Thanks.Mike – Thanks mate. A horrible way to die, I know. Especially after your wife has been cheating right back at ya. Cheers. It wasn't me on the phone, promise. 😉

  4. "The thud of the impact was followed by a sickening cracking noise. Blood ran down her face. In the darkness it looked like ink had been poured over her head. Her sightless eyes stared at me."The above was worth the price of admission!

  5. I don't know why you were so dismissive of this entry, David – short, sharp, snappy and to the point!I, too, liked the analogy of blood looking like ink in the darkness.And a cruel twist at the end – a slow death with time enough to realise his wife was behind it. Helluva hard way to learn his lesson!

  6. A fine slap in the face. I'm sure you could put a bit of meat on it, mind you, but it works as it is.

  7. David & Sue – You're too kind. I basically rattled it together after work today ang got it up (late). I hoping for a more in-depth story for this weeks FFF, but we have visitors…again.

  8. Paul – Thanks mate. Short is sweet I suppose, but another one for my re-write pile. 🙂

  9. David, I really did like this piece. Short on time you may have been, but long on a cool idea.And the shovel was a great touch. She probably deserved it!!

  10. G

    I thought it was pretty good.Heck of a way to go though….slow motion drowning.

  11. David:I enjoyed the piece greatly! It was a shorter piece to be sure, but the dialogue rang true, and the story was suspenseful… far more than my own rather mundane slices of life that are typically the focus of my flash fiction.PipeTobaccohttp://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

  12. Dug it totally (no pun intended)… This one sizzled.

  13. Paul – Thanks mate. I had the sound of the shovel hitting her in my head for some reason and thought it would fit nicely and the fact that she would end up staring at him because her head couldn't 'loll' helped.G – Thanks for having a look mate. Appreciate it.Pipe – Thnak you. And don't call your stories mundane. You spin a great yarn and should be pround of your FFF entries.Anthony – Thanks man. I was concerned about it but maybe I should have a bit more confidence in myself.

  14. That had me chuckling, don't know what you're on about with the 'I think it's my worst' I enjoyed it bud.

  15. Lee – Cheers mate. And where the hell have you been? You didn't call, you didn't write. I've been worried sick. 🙂

  16. top to bottom stonkingly grand. great opener, David and it just kept coming.

  17. HA! Now that's a quality twist in a story full of wankers in every corner.

  18. The twist was it. Nicely done.

  19. Michael – Thanks mate.Randal – You seem to be getting angrier. 😉 Cheers.Chad – Thanks for the comment. Appreciate it.

  20. An excellent story of cold blooded terror for me. A group of college kids in the late 70's buried their drunk friend in the sands of Myrtle Beach up to his head and being more than a little drunk themselves left him buried when they went back to the motel. It was early evening when they buried the guy and after starting back drinking he completely slipped their minds.Wasn't tide that done the buried guy in but a weak storm that came in from the ocean. It was big story for a week or two and it still sends chills up my spine.

  21. Apologies for catching this late, Dave, but am glad I did. Double redemption and a pacey read with the gut-kick of the killer being the wife's lover. Loved it!

  22. That was brill,Dave,all the way through reading it i was mentally trying to dig myself out with my fingers,i'm not sleeping with your wife again mate.

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