I Dare You Not To Laugh….

I dare you not to laugh….

Just a couple of funnies for you to cheer you up.  If you’re already ‘cheery’ then, go on, you can still read them.

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to a
junction. The traffic light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, ‘I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.’

After a few more minutes, they came to another junction and again the traffic light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she imagining it.

She was getting nervous.

 At the next junction, sure enough, the traffic light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, ‘Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!’

Mildred turned to her and said, ‘Oh, crap, am I driving ?’

* * * * *

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.  The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”

The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be damned, ” Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong.  How long have you had arthritis?”

The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

* * * * *

Muaahahahahahaha!!!! 

I don’t take the credit for these, they were sent to me via text and email, therefore already in circulation so don’t bust my guts over copyright etc, etc.   I hope you liked them and they put a smile on your face.  Have a great weekend, whatever you are doing.

You know the drill, leave a comment if you want, if not……..

Advertisements

19 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, jokes

19 responses to “I Dare You Not To Laugh….

  1. A good start to the weekend David.Kind regards.

  2. Then why don't I have arthritus? Good chuckles David.

  3. Thanks David! I love that first one especially. Sometimes I feel like that when I'm working the kinks out of (or into) a plot!The Clean White Page

  4. Hey wait – I do have arthritis… I don't recall doing any of those things… oh wait I forgot about my military career… nevermind.These were hilarious David- thanks for posting these!

  5. Like Tina, I preferred the first one. Classic.Already had the second one via text – was it off you, mate?

  6. Glad you enjoyed them guys. Col, I got the second one in an email.

  7. Yeah, that's what I needed this morning- thanks, my man!And where did you get the picture of me?

  8. Mike, I now have a face to the comments and emails. πŸ˜‰

  9. HA! But see, I knew you had a thing for crazy old ladies. πŸ˜‰

  10. Gees…. so that's why my leg hurts! Break me up.

  11. BBC

    If it wasn't for humor this rock would be in really bad shape, too bad humor won't get things fixed though. What would you really be willing to do for a million pounds?Well, screwing the Queen damn sure wouldn't be one of them. πŸ™‚

  12. Har! I loved the story of the drunk and the priest waiting for the subway. I figure I'll look like that chappie in about 25 years…

  13. I love the first one, the second was pretty good as well.I heard one on the radio and this show usually tells nothing but crappy ones-Two ducks are at a hotel on their honeymoon. The ducks are about to get amorous, when the drake realizes that he doesn't have a condom. The hen says, "oh no, I don't want to get preggers just yet. Why don't you go to the front desk and ask them for one?"The drake goes downstairs and the front desk clerk hands him one."Why yes, we do have condoms and that'll be three quid," says the clerk."What? Oh, I don't have me wallet with me.""Do you want me to put it on your bill?" asks the clerk."And what, suffocate me?"

  14. Ha ha – that's women drivers for you! ;-pThe second one made me smile too!After a busy day it's nice to wind down with a chuckle! πŸ™‚

  15. Haha! Those were great! I loved them both. :PCormac's was funny too! :)I hope that your weekend is going well. :)((Hugs))Laura

  16. Oh man, those old ladies sound like my sister and I. So funny, so funny it makes me want to cry. ;D Thanks for sharing, David.

  17. Hey David, thanks for the laugh!! Really liked the first one!!And Cormac, as bad as that was, it was pretty darn good!!Cheers guys,Paul

  18. ok…. I gotza joke. guy comes home, walks into the kitchen with a sheep in his arms. His wife turns to look at him and the guy says, 'This is the pig I've been sleeping with when I'm not with you.' His wife says, 'You dummy, that's not a pig, it's a sheep!' And the guy says, ' I wasn't talking to you.'

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s