Friday Flash Fiction #24…..ALWAYS

Yes, I’m back in my old place.  I didn’t like the new pad…

It’s Friday Flash Fiction time again.  I’ve missed a couple lately, due to work and family do’s etc but I was definately in for this week’s, no matter what. 

Cormac Brown decided that we needed to expand our train of thought and gave us the starter sentence, with the rule that there were to be no guns or knives.

This is my attempt at a bit of lovey dovey stuff.  Please be kind, as I may get all teary, blah, blah, blah…….

The starter sentence is in blue.


A kiss as sweet as sugar. That’s the memory I have of our first kiss all those years ago. Your lips were soft and moist and warm. I had butterflies in my stomach the size of pterodactyls as our lips met for that very first time. I remember hoping that you wouldn’t notice that I’d never kissed a girl before. I trembled as you opened your mouth and slowly closed it again, your tongue gently probing into my mouth. I reciprocated, copying what you were doing. I didn’t have a clue what I was supposed to be doing but it was the most amazing moment in my short life.”

My wife just smiled at me, and that smile was worth a million words. She was gazing out across the loch from our position up Rannoch Hill on the north side of Loch Tay. It had been our favourite spot for the past eighteen years. Today the water was still and the sun was trying its best to warm up the crisp winter day. The mountains that nestled at the west side of the loch were reflected perfectly in the mercury like appearance of the water.

“Do you remember the first time we ever came here? When you held onto my arm and told me that you felt that you’d been here before, like in a previous life.”

Another smile, but it was weaker this time. She looked at me and I stood up, opened the bottle of water and held it against her dry lips. She took tiny sips of the fluid, trying to swallow it down. Some of the water dribbled from the side of her mouth but I wiped it with a tissue from the packet I always carry. I looked at her face and there were tears in her eyes. The illness had taken its toll on her. Her skin was older looking and pale. There were dark rings surrounding her brown eyes. To me though, she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I looked away as my eyes welled with tears. I had to be strong.

A cry above alerted us to the fact that a large red kite was circling. Gracious in its flight, it circled, gaining height as it flew, totally unaware of the pains of human life.

My wife stroked my hand that was resting gently on her fragile shoulder. In a hoarse whisper she told me she was ready. I tenderly stroked her cheek and bent down to kiss her.

“Okay my darling.”

I pushed the wheelchair back down the pathway to where our car was parked. Across from the lay-by where our car was there was a wooden jetty. Our small motorboat was moored at the end.
I pushed the wheelchair down to the end of the jetty, lifted my wife out and stepped into the boat. It swayed on the water but I sat her down as gently as I could. Her weight had dropped by four and a half stone since the illness and she’d shed most of it in the last two months. I started the boat and then helped her on with her life jacket, tightening the fasteners. I looked into her eyes and smiled.

“I’m scared John,” she managed to say.

“I’ll be with you, Victoria. I’ll always be with you.”

I kissed her and stroked her face. She put her hands on mine and tilted her head onto our hands. Tears ran down her cheeks.

“We’ll be together forever, my darling. We’re soul mates and you’ll always be here,” I placed one hand on my chest and wiped her tears with my other.

The loch itself was around fourteen miles long and a mile and a half at its widest point. I took the boat out into the middle of the loch and turned off the engine. At this point the depth of the water was around five hundred feet. It was perfect.

I got out of my seat, picked up my life jacket and heaved it on. I fastened it up at the front and looked at my wife.

“Are you ready?”

Victoria nodded. I picked her up, my arms around her waist, and she put her arms around my neck. She felt a lot heavier with the weights in her life jacket. I stepped to the edge of the boat and looked at her again. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“I love you, John. Always.”

“I love you too.”

I shifted my weight over to my right and we both went over the side of the boat. I’d taken the buoyancy aids out of my life jacket too and replaced them with weights. I’d not told Victoria this but I wasn’t going to let her be alone.

I’ll always remember that first kiss…

The End.

The story was inspired, firstly by the starter sentence and secondly by the photograph above.  I took this whilst on my current job.  I’m working on a house on the north side of Loch Tay and that is the view from the front porch of the house.  It’s a stunning view.

Hope you liked it.  If you did leave a comment but if you didn’t well, you can leave a comment as well ;-)…



Filed under always, cormac brown, david barber, david barber's fiction world, friday flash fiction

33 responses to “Friday Flash Fiction #24…..ALWAYS

  1. I guess I didn't see the ending coming, but it was definitely fantastic. It made me almost shed a tear. For such perfect love and willing sacrifices. You are a very lucky writer in deed to be inspired by such views. Excellent work David.

  2. Well, I'll stand naked in a snow storm if that wasn't one of the very best things I have read this week!!!Great piece David, captured the love, dedication and sacrifice of soul mates. Perfect (or dare I say it…beautiful??)

  3. Excellent story David, sad and in a way lonely as two lovers leave the world but an excellent story.

  4. Beautiful story. One of your best I think.

  5. David – you see, you don't always need gung-ho heroes! Look what you've created here – your readers will be blubbing, or at the very least 'removing a speck of dust from their eyes' (if you catch my drift!)A haunting tale of love and sacrifice – very well done!

  6. Doc

    Your wife is a lucky woman, you old softy! A wonderful tale from begining to end. It's very tender and sweet. Great job!Doc

  7. You big sap. 😉 That was groovy, and that's a hell of a view.

  8. Nicole – Thanks. On my “bio” I always say I’m inspired by the beauty that surrounds me up here in Scotland. Glad the ending caught you out.Paul – Thanks mate. One of the best things anybody has ever said about my writing…it is only Tuesday though. ;-)Beach – Cheers pal. I was going to write about a clown…only joking.Mike – Thanks mate. I had fun with it and it could have been a lot longer. Maybe I can have a re-write and see how it turns out. Sue H – Thank you. Who needs guns and knives? :-)David – Thanks pal. Glad you liked it. Not normally my style, but I enjoyed writing it.Doc – Cheers bud. I always tell her that and now I can show her your comment. ;-)Randal – On the outside I’m a hard looking bastard (Only when I’ve had my clown face applied by my 3 year old.) Glad you liked it and, yes, it is a stunning view. I’m going to do a piece about where we live and surrounding areas. There is some great scenery.Thanks all and appreciate your comments.

  9. Great story David. You showed the emotion and the bond with just enough words.

  10. Thanks, Laurita. I was toying with making it a bit longer but flash is flash. Glad you enjoyed it.

  11. Dave, maybe I'm one of the few reading this who has actually stood where you have stood. Rannoch Hill and the banks of Loch Tay both bear my footprints. And I'm hoping to go back sometime in April. I'll be looking out onto those mercury waters with a keen eye, watching for that boat and the momentary flash of colour from their vests just before those doomed lover slip beneath the surface.This was evocative writing, man (though it could have done with a couple knives and guns in my opinion ;-)). Kudos to you.

  12. Thanks Matt. It is totally stunning round there. I'm working in a place called Fearnan, 3 miles from Kenmore. Awesome scenery.

  13. G

    A touching story. Interesting how strong the bond of love can be between a husband and wife.

  14. That was a beautiful story. I saw what was coming when they got into the boat but I didn't expect to get misty eyed when I had pretty much guessed already. So, here I sit, with a tear in my eye. I don't think my husband would do that for me. I mean, I'm sure he'd put the weights in my jacket but, not his. :P((hugs))Laura

  15. Hey big bro, hope you are well. I have to say i did get a lump in the back of my throat then! That photo is stunning! Claire xx

  16. G, Mike, Laura – Thanks and pleased you enjoyed it. Appreciate the comments.Claire – Sis-in-law. So, you finally made it round to reading something that I've written. Tell the rest of the family to get their fingers out and leave me a comment. 🙂

  17. Who knew you could be a softy, David? Great tale and yes, sad… BTW, I wanna live in that pic. Loved it

  18. Totally and completely jealous of your view. Amazing. And a short, sad tale with just enough complexity to satisfy us. 🙂

  19. I want to see Paul stand naked in a snow storm-On a different note, I enjoyed this piece and all the little dark places my mind wanted to take it, until you subtly crafted it to the end. Great pic too!

  20. A very well told tale of sacrifice for the one you love. Good one, David.

  21. Anthony – I've got softer since my 2 daughters came along. Chad – Thanks mate. Erin – Glad you enjoyed it amd nice to see you around. Appreciate your comments and glad you liked the photo. Even though we live up here and have done for the past 16 months, it still feels like we are on holiday and the scenery still catches my eye. Thanks to everyone.

  22. Welles – Cheers mate. I'm a big sensitive bloke at heart, you know, 2 kids and a wife. All that will change this week though. 🙂

  23. nice write… even better photo….. makes me think of beer. I would linger on that job iffen I was you!!

  24. This is a tender story, David. One lover being taken by death, the other choosing it. Choice is the greatest gift of all. Good write.

  25. Also, the picture is BEAUTIFUL. I can see why it inspired this story.

  26. Ok & Jodi. Thanks for reading and appreciate your comments.Good to see you made it out of the cave alive and well, Jodi. 🙂

  27. Thanks, Paul. Glad you liked it.

  28. Truly awesome, mate. One day soon I will also stand in that inspirational place.Your writing just gets better n better and always surprises me.Profound write, Dave.

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