Fantastic Horror Contest Entry…….

Fantastic Horror have a contest open until 14th February for a piece of fiction that can only be 13 lines of dialogue, the key word being ‘Passenger’. There’s only a day or so left and the details are here…

Here’s my entry which is seriously a rush job as I thought I’d missed the contest altogether.  Hope you enjoy it…

One Way Ticket.

“Hey, where’re you heading?”

“As far as you’re going….”

“I’m just going to the next village, about six miles if that’ll do you?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“Ok, pass me your backpack kid.”

“No, that’s ok.”

“Please yourself. Hey where are your gloves? You must have dropped them.”

“No, I didn’t have any gloves.”

“Sure you did, I saw them when you flagged me down back there. Dark gloves they were…”

“No sir, you’re mistaken.”

“I’d bet my life on it that you had gloves on. I’m losing my eyesight as well as my mind.”

“You shouldn’t have bet your life on it mister. This is what you saw…you lose.”

“What the…is that…that’s someone’s hand. Now son, what you doing with that knife…no…no…oh dear God…pleeease…sweet Jesus…noooooooo…”

Leave a comment if you will and let me know what you think…..I won’t hold it against you.



Filed under contest entry, david barber, david barber's fiction world, fantastic horror, one way ticket

17 responses to “Fantastic Horror Contest Entry…….

  1. killer..well done David, you bet your life!

  2. The gloves were off in that one.Good luck with the comp, Dave.

  3. Good stuff David and good luck with the comp.Kind regards.

  4. The moral of the story: never trust anyone wielding a stumpy hand. 😉 Good luck, sir.

  5. Great story, David and I wish you well for the comp. There are some great pieces of dialogue there.

  6. Great story! I chuckled. Is that wrong? :P((Hugs))laura

  7. Thanks guys, it was a rush job. You are way too kind. And Laura, yes it is wrong, but hey, he shouldn't have picked up a hitchhiker. 🙂

  8. Always make sure your mittens remain attached by the string running through your anorak … !

  9. Hitchhiking using somebody else's thumb is considered poor form in these parts.

  10. Very good. And I'm still chuckling over Susan's comment.

  11. Nice and dark, great piece and good luck with the comp feller

  12. this was rushed work?good gravy. it read as a long plotted in your head story… well done. ps i've linked you on my bit of the internet.. hope that is okay.

  13. Sent a chill down my spine and reopened old fears of hitchhikers. In other words damn good story. Down here in the South hitchhikers were once a common sight and my grandparents use to pick up some poor looking guy many times. I remember it was always a pleasant experience since I got to hear stories about why the people were traveling. As times changed and at least seemed to get more savage the guy standing on the side of the road became less a down on his luck fellow traveler and more someone to be feared.Great story David.

  14. Well Done David. Definite feeling of dread and creepiness there.Why is it always the hitch hiker who is the bad guy. As a teen, I hitched rides all over the East Coast. Often it was the driver with the twitch under their eye and the constant wringing action on their steering wheel. Weird people drive cars too.I wonder how a story would work out if both the driver and the hitch hiker were evil. That might make for some fun writing.

  15. Thanks all for your comments, they are sincerely appreciated.Although, the one above said this…"US and Libya said… Certainly must maintain the full fine yo, refuels!!! Anticipated you publish new article" I dunno… 🙂

  16. Good one David! Makes me think of a hitchhiking story of my own..Good luck in the comp!

  17. I giggled at Randal's comment…I read it twice actually. Before reading it I was getting inspired to do some writing myself and send some stuff in (I'm a wanna be writer). Than when I read you had only 13 lines of dialogue.HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO…look how long this comment is flipping taking. I could never do it!It was a good story. I could picture the characters in my mind perfectly and would make a good show..I think for CSI Las Vegas. I can see it now..Not only would they have to find out who killed the driver, BUT whose body did the hand belong to also!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s