A COMPETITION AND A COUPLE OF FUNNIES…


Firstly, Matt Hilton, the author of the Joe Hunter novels, Dead Men’s Dust and Judgement & Wrath, has his third installment out April 1st 2010.

To celebrate the book’s release, Matt is offering a personally signed first edition of the novel as a prize in his short story competition. He wants you to write and action packed short story, in the “Joe Hunter” tradition.

All contest details can be found here. If your are not sure about the style of Joe Hunter, then I suggest you get yourself a copy of his novel’s and read them…you certainly won’t be disappointed. The contest is totally ‘open’ for anyone to enter.

P.S. If you wanted to meet Matt in person, he has a list of meet ‘n’ greets that he is doing, as well as the Slash And Burn book launch (April). All his dates and details are on his site. Matt Hilton.

Have a great weekend!!!!!

* * * * *

OK then, a couple of Saturday funnies for you…

A woman and baby go to the doctor’s.

The doctor is concerned about the baby’s weight and asks, “Is he bottle or breast fed?”

The woman replies, “He’s breast fed.”

The doctor asks her to strip down to the waist, while he washes his hands. He then starts massaging her breast’s, pinching and then sucking them. He does this for about 2 or 3 minutes.

“I’m afraid the reason the baby is underweight, is that you have no milk,” the doctor said.

” I know,” says the woman, “I’m his granny, but I’m glad I came!”

* * * *

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the lane when she sees the Big Bad Wolf hiding behind a log pile.

“Oh, what bid eyes you have,” she says.

The wolf runs away.

Later, she sees him hiding behind a tree.

“Oh my, what big ears you have.”

Again, the wolf runs away.

Later, she sees him hiding behind a sign post.

“Oh my, what big teeth you have,” she says.

To which, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and says, “WILL YOU FUCK OFF, I’M TRYING TO HAVE A SHIT!”

Be sure to get you backsides in gear and get you fingers tapping for that writing contest.

The usual applies….only leave a comment if you really want to. If not, I hope you are offended by the thought of Granny’s tit’s being fondled by the doctor…. 😉

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5 Comments

Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, Matt Hilton, short story competition, slash and burn

5 responses to “A COMPETITION AND A COUPLE OF FUNNIES…

  1. I need to change Doctor's apparently! ;P Very funny jokes. 🙂 Thanks for the laugh.((Hugs))Laura

  2. Hi David, and thanks for spreading the word, mate. I look forward to seeing what people come up with, should give me endless hours of reading fun.

  3. LOL. She who must be obeyed laughed like a drain at the wolf.The apostrophes post wasn't a dig at you although now you come to mention it you do seem to have suffered a minor infestation.

  4. "I know," says the woman, "I'm his granny, But I'm glad I came!"During one of my innumerable visits to the beach I stumbled upon, and with the amount of beer I had consumed that day I'm not exaggerating, a beauty contest for ladies over 50 years of age.Lets just skip the details and say that seeing a grandmother in a string bikini with the body of a 30 year-old was an amazing experience. Have to grab a Joe Hunter book and read the story, but I am interested in the contest.

  5. ok…. here's a joke.Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?' 'Osama Bin Laden,' she says. 'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock. Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.' Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.' 'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the fucker.'

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