FFF #14……OH…Ossifer!

OK. This week Cormac decided that he gave the starter sentence for FFF#14 and there was to be no crime, exosomething or other etc, etc…. So, as I have been busy with work, having visitors again and there seems to be something happening this Friday, this is my meagre effort…


“Well, how did I get here?”

“You just fell off that.”


“You just fell off that sleigh.”

“Oh my, I don’t remember.”

“Have you been drinking?”



“Every house I’ve been to. A drop of whisky here, a drop of vodka there, a slug of bourbon, a hit rum, a very large brandy, ho, ho, ho.”

“So, how many big guy?”

“Oh….Ossifer, I honestly don’t……remember. It goes on and on and on…..ho, ho, ho. I remember the days when the…..erm…..dad’s drank Santa’s drink, but not now. They’re too drunk themselves, ‘cos, ‘cos, ‘cos, they’ve been down the bar after work with their mates….and……well, I’m not impressed. It’s playing havoc….with my…erm, schedule. Like now……I can’t remember how I’ve got here. I’ll have to check…..”

“NO! What you’ll have to do is blow into this machine Santa, you’re not going anywhere. You know better than to park your sleigh in a no parking zone.”

The End.

Apologies in advance……..Leave a comment if you like. Santa does exist and he’s not a drunk!!!! Merry Christmas…



Filed under david barber, david barber's fiction world, friday flash fiction, oh ossifer

11 responses to “FFF #14……OH…Ossifer!

  1. So that's why Santa has a red nose. Thanks for clearing that up. Clever twist and great use of the opening line.

  2. Hic hic! Nice and seasonal – great effort David.

  3. Having to hit hundreds of millions of homes, I always assumed that Santa was a cokehead, but I see I'm going to have to reassess my belief.

  4. Spot on, quick and to the point…with family and relatives clinging to you, no less. Good one.

  5. David:Very nice… much nicer than your request for apologies would suggest! In my mind, a jolly old fellow, driving around a sleigh should be given a bit of leeway and not be subject to the breathalizer. I mean, heck, he does the world a lot of good. So, I am going to view the Officer as Scrooge or the Grinch in this instance. Skoal!PipeTobaccohttp://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com

  6. Hmmm… and here I was just leaving Santa Chocolate Milk!LOL~ Very cute story. I liked it!((Hugs))Laura

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Santa's job gets more crappy every year. Kids that whine demanding more and more, the American/Canadian NORAD command eager to shoot down anything that doesn't squawk a proper IFF, and now cops that should be at a donut shop talking trash to the tired waitress are hassling the jolly fat man. Best wishes my friend!

  9. Isn't Santa merely publicly intoxicated, not drinking and driving, since the reindeer technically do the driving? Then, this just made me wonder, is it illegal to ride a horse drunk?These are important issues (and this a cool take)!

  10. Thanks for your kind words sweet thing! I appreciate it. ;P((Hugs))Laura

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